Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize