I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
