so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize