Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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