I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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