Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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