It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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