Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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