the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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