508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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