Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
