theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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