apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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