Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
