I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
