I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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