When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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