Apparently you make a good broom.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
