I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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