Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
