I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
