waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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