People in love make me want to vomit
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
