It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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