so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
