I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
