After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
