kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
