also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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