So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize