dude i'm inner monologue high
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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