Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
