everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
