my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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