umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
