We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
