i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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