So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Terrible idea I love it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
