My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck appropriateness.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
