FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're a waste of cheezeits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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