She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
