Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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