iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
