bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
