"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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