i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
