pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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