Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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