Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Farmville is her only friend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
