It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
