ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
