Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
