I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
