Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
