If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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