I just cut my nipple shaving
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
