epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
