he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
