How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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