If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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