guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
