i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is Oprah even human
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize