i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
