This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
