in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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