i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
