It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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