Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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